So many changes

Well I haven't wrote on my blog in a very long time now..not since I wrote about Bam months ago. I thought I would jsut update it a little. Life has been going good the past few months and me and kyle are finally getting on our feet alot better than we we're before, thanks to family helping us alot lol. Me and some of my family members haven't been getting along the way we should but i honestly get tired of fighting with my family and just wish they would all grow up sometimes.because i mean honestly it sometimes to me seems sad when i'm the youngest out of all of my siblings and for some reason they always think i'm the one who relys on our parents when my parents pay for everything all of them have..I got tired of relying on them whenever I was younger because instead of me needing thier help they always asked me for mine but thats not important to me anymore, I have my on family to worry about taking care of. Me and Kyle only have three more months until our daughter Sydney arrives and we are super excited..I want to hold her so bad but I know that we ahve to be patient and wait until she is ready to enter this world..but i wish she would hurry sometimes. lol..This christmas will be mine and Kyle's first christmas together which to me is a really another first of our many memories that we still have yet to have.lol We both couldn't wait until christmas to give each other our presents..I spent the most money on him than i have ever spent on somebody but i got him all things he asked me for and he got me all of mine!He is truly the love of my life and I know i have said it a million times but it's amazing to me because when I was a little girl I always wondered who I would end up with and I know now that I found that one!

Life only seems to get better whenever you least eexpect it to get that way...I know when the baby arrives the first six weeks will be very stressful and tiring and financially a little rough because i won't be able to work and help kyle but I know it will get better as soon as those weeks are up and I can go back to work.i know it will all be worht it because we will have our baby here in our arms and she is worht it all!

So many changes

The worst day of my life!

You know when you get that feeling that something terrible is about to happen but you really don't know what it is? Well i got that feeling about a week ago and real early Sunday morning I woke up to hear the most unbearable news I could ever hear.It was my oldest brother David calling to tell me that my other brother Shane was in a car wreck and he had died!!Now what are you suppose to say or even do when you hang up the phone from hearing the worst news you could possibly hear at 5:00 in the morning..I couldn't speak!I layed there in shock for a moment because well honestly i didn't want to believe it! I mean come on it's BAM BAM..one of the coolest brothers a girl could ever have..from the way he laughed to the way he smiled.lol even his little goofy dance he did when no one was looking at him. He was truly an amazing person who i will always remember and Love with all of my heart! I remember one night staying up super duper late in december when i went to visit all of them in sallisaw and it was just me and dorky brother bam up laughing our heads off and telling each other really serouis stuff like the kinda stuff you let no one else ever know about! He was a brother that can't ever be replaced! I went to view his body today thinking I could handle it but I broke down like I have never done before..looking at him was the worst idea ever..he didn't even look like the Bam I remembered in my heart and mind, He was different than I remembered. But either way I will always miss him no matter what and tomorrow at the funeral I plan to be strong and hold my head up high for him. I worry so much now about my other three brothers , especially Travis and Big Boy..they are having the hardest time out of all of us dealing with Bams death and I worry that i will loose them too but I know that Bam will protect them. Kyles family has tried to help me tremendously but honestly nothing could help me except to see his pretty smile and face again!!When you loose someone yeah you want comfort from people but sometimes its too hard to want or need help to grieve over the one you lost.Sunday I had this heavy pain on my heart..like it had dropped to the floor and i couldn't bring it back up.I couldn't except the fact that he was gone and I still can't, I don't want too.I am holding on to all the memories I have of him and won't ever let them fade away from my heart! On the way to Kyles grandmas house the Avril Lavigne song "when your gone" came on the radio and I had to stop the car because i couldn't handle the pain in my heart and all the tears that were rolling down my cheeks,I couldn't take it! Kyles family did thier best to cheer me up but I just cried even more..and I love and thank them for being there when I needed them the most, especailly Kyle.All I know is I will never be able to get rid of the pain that lingers in my heart where no one else can see it, It will always be there and I will never forget Shane Charles "Bam Bam" Watie, he was one of the most amazing people and the awesomest brother ever and I know he will always be watching over all of us no matter where we are at in this world..he will never leave us for he is always in our hearts!
IN LOVING MEMORY OF SHANE CHARLES "BAM BAM" WATIE!!!! I LOVE YOU BROTHER AND ALWAYS WILL REMEMBER YOU!!!

I've learned my lesson

I finally learned my lesson on how not to do things even when your seriously desperate and need the money or the help.I had to get a loan a while back which was split between me and two of my family members and I realized now that I forgot about it until my family reminded me about the payment. I finally told kyle which i was scared crapless to do because i have kept it from him for so long and i was scared he would be really really mad at me for it which he wasn't mad he actually calmed me down and told me how to handle it. I never realized how supportive he is for me..Its crazy because when i think he will get mad he doesn't and I know theres times that he should be mad. but i guess in the end all things will work out and i really shouldn't worry as much as i do because in the end it will all work out.

Random thoughts on the baby!

Well I know i still have six more months until the baby arrives which is fine by me but I also wish that the baby would hurry up and get here so that way I can love on him or her..lol not exactly for sure yet what the baby is. But anyways I have been waiting patiently for the past three months and I can't wait any longer..lol..I wish I had a three-d ultra sound of the abay so I will know exactly what our baby will look like when its born. I keep wondering if it will have my eyes or kyles, or whether it will look like me or kyle in the face..which I hope it looks like kyle in the face because for a guy he is very pretty in the face.I hope if its a boy it has his body figure and if its a girl I hope she has my body figure. These are only a few of the thoughts that have crossed my mind here within the past week..lol crazy..not really i think its just the thoughts that every other soon to be mommy has.we ahve a doctors appiontment coming up in a few weeks on the 26th, it will be our second one!!YAH!!lol..I'm super glad that Tiffany gets to go with us to this one also because if not I know I would be really nervous and I need her there to make sure that kyle stays calm and don't panic and also to make sure that i don't panic as well.I really wish that Jenn could go with us but she has school and its hard when you miss a day at stilwell high school, especially when you miss 7 classes with homework!!But anyways I was thinking today about how much I wish my family would get involved in this the way that kyles family has,The last time I went down to see my daddy I got to see him for about an hour and then he had to leave to go meet some people for the church..which I know it might sound a bit selfish but those people could have waited atleast a few more hours to be seen so I could atleast for once since I moved out see my daddy when i drove all the way down there just to visit him because well i freaking miss him!!AAHHHH!! I guess I should look on the bright side I mean hey atleast i got to visit with my Step-mom For the time I was down..She seemed more interested than dad did at the time..but maybe thats because daddy hardly ever shows his feelings to people. I think I have seen that man cry maybe three times in my life!!But back to my main point..The BABY!! All i know is that the day my water breaks all of my family better haul butt to siloam springs hospital to be with me on one of the happiest days of my life!!

A week without my baby

Ok so I only thought life could get even tougher but than it did!!Kyle had to go to conway county for a week for jailer training and i'm totally NOT loving this! I couldn't sleep very good last night because he wasn't laying next to me the way he always is when I go to bed which made me sad and wanna cry but I held in the tears because I know he was probably feeling the exact same way that I was last night. I mean yeah I atleast get to talk to him on the phone every night fo r about five to ten minutes which helps me even better because I get to hear his vioce. The day that he left for conway county I wrote him a note and snuck it into one of his bags along with a picture of me and him so that way he would have something to remind him of me and him together and also so he would know that I would be right here waiting for him whenever he gets back, I really hope that he realizes how much I love him with all of my heart and soul and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him!! While he's gone I'm staying with Tiffany and billy so that way Kyle will be able to talk to me everynight on the phone or online. Also so that way he knows I'm not alone and won't get hurt and the baby won't get hurt in my tummy either.But I can't wait until friday afternoon whenever kyle gets to come home so I can give him a big oh hug and kiss because I miss him!!

Challenges!!

I haven't wrote on my blog in a while and there is so much to write about!!First of all I have a upcoming dotors appointment the 4th which to me is super scary because the doctors in general just give me the heebie jeebies, even though I wanna be a doctor myself I still don't trust alot of other doctor's. Also I had an amazing weekend hanging with my boyfriend and our friends casey and michelle..We all went to the mall and for the first time since we have lived here I finally got out for an evening out on the town..lol. Jennifer and Ridge also got to come up saturday and hang out with us for a while which was cool because we haven't hung out with them in a while now. There's still something that is missing which is my number girl Shannon who I really miss alot..we get to talk on my space every now and then which is good but I wish we both had the time to meet up somewhere and just hang out and tak about baby things for once instead of just talking here and there ya know what I mean!But me and her both knew that this would happen after graduation that we would both end up working all the time or splitting up and going in different directions the way that we have so far!! She's been my best friend for three years now and I have no IDEA!!..how I would of made it through all the hard times I have had in the past three years. We always help each other through our problems no matter how big or little they are! But anyways I love her too death and miss her bunches. I also am thankful for everyone else I have in my life, especailly my loving boyfriend Kyle.. and his amazingly wonderful sisters who make me laugh and smile just the same way he does. He's so excited about his new job at the police department here in Springdale and I couldn't be happier for him..I will stand by his side through all the cool cop things that he wants to do in the future and I know he will support me in the future also! I am planning to try and start school soon too..as soon as I can except nothing big just a votech school or something like that to get me started until after the baby is born. I feel so bad here lately because we have all these things that need to be paid and I have NO JOB which in m y opinion is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!! I don't like the fact that kyle has all this pressure building up on his shoulders about how to take care of us when I stress out because he has all of this stuff to worry about that makes me so angry at myself for it.I have finally realized that there is going to be a million challenges that we will have to face in the future especially after the baby is born. but I guess thats enough griping about other crap. lol. I know I have worries and so does kyle but I know we will be able to make it through anything thats hard in our live's.

Letting go of some of my Thoughts

There's so mamy things in life that i always wonder whether or not thier ever going to change. Like the way some people always expect you to give things back to them when they know you can't so you begin to realize not to count on them anymore. There's only so many people in this world that i can trust and they should know who they are. Like for example Kyle's sister and her fiance Billy..they have done so much for ma and Kyle and i have No idea how the Lord can bless us with people like them. They do so much for us..especially Tiffany! lol I hope she realizes she will be attending many of my future Doctor's appiontments for the baby.. I know she would be super excited just the same as me!:) And if it wasn't for Kyle being the Greatest guy i have ever met in my life then i'm afraid my life wouldn't be perfect as it is when I'm with him. He does so much for me and for our upcoming baby. He treats me like i'm just a baby myself..He tells me when I shouldn't run and when to slow down on the things i am doing all the time. There's some people in my family that make me feel really fat even though i know that i'm not yet! I mean come on people!! I'm only almost two months Pregnant..give me a flipping break and watch your own wieght for once instead of mine. I'm already nervous enough to gain more wieght than I should so just let me handle my wieght issues the way I know I should. Life isn't easy for anybody and right now it's only going to get harder for me and Kyle before it gets better and believe me people it will get easier once I get our feet. I know that we can make it just as long as we don't let the drama from other people get in our way and effect us. We will always make it through the things we get put through!

The amazing changes

I recently found out a week ago that I was pregnant and it totally shocked me and made me nervous at the same time! I had so many thoughts going through my mind all at once..like the fact that my family would be so mad at me for this and how to tell others about. Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend that has always there for me and was right by my side whenever i was told the news by the nurse. Some people we're against the fact that me and kyle we're going to be having a baby. But thier starting to come around and it really helps me and kyle alot because now we don't have as much stress as we did have at the beginning of all of this. We just recently moved to springdale and if it wasn't for his sister and her man billy we wouldn't have anything. They both have helped us out so much and I really appreciate them both. For me and kyle, moving up here has been the best thing for us so far becuase we're away from Stilwell..there is so much drama in that town that we both we're depressed and we always fought when we were there, but ever since last week we haven't gotten into a fight one time which is so AWESOME!! I am so happy with him..I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe God gave me and Kyle this baby to show us that we really are meant to be with each other. even though we have our differences, there's so much we have in common! I love waking up in the morning right next to him and having him there to talk to. There so much that we both have to go through and I know as long as we have each other we can always make it through the hard times that we have ahead of us. I love him so much with all of my heart and I know we can make it through this! And we still have eight more months of me being gripey and harsh and me getting fat. lol But I know we can always make it through!