TOMORROW IS A BIG DAY FOR TWO REASONS!!

WELL....tomorrow is a really big day for a very important reasons! FIRST OF ALL... it is !BAMS! BIRHTDAY!! How could I be so selfish and plan an event on my brothers birthday!! He will be 20 years old tomorrow and instead of celebrating it with us down here he will be in heaven with God celebrating it!




Being here without him is really different now knowing that we won't get to party with him ever again or have him blow out birthday candles ever again!I pray that everyone will be careful when out at his graveside tomorrow night partying it up..I hope to go out there before everyone else and just hve a alone moment with him before I leave stilwell..I am scared to even think about going back to his grave again to talk to him! It always seemed like when we needed someone to talk to the most he was always right there to hear us out! Just like a teddy bear to break our falls whenever we would break down and cry..I will never forget the last night that just me and him alone stayed up until it was daylight just talking and laughing away the night..we locked ourselves in the room and hid from everybody just to get away from the noise..seemed like he always had the anwsers to the problems I had..he saved me when nobody else could..he was truly an angel. And now it's his first birthday that he won't be here for us to celebrate it face to face with him which breaks my heart! I looked at his picture earlier I wanted to just scream but I knew that he wouldn't want to see tears rolling down my cheeks..he would wanna see a big smile on my face instead!HAPPY BIRHTDAY BROTHER!!!THE MEMORY OF YOU WILL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART AND WILL FOREVER GO ON..I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR SMILE OR THE WAY YOU USEST TO DO YOUR GOOFY DANCE WHEN YOU THOUGHT NOBODY WAS WATCHING YOU LOL..I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
Also tomorrow is our very first baby shower for Sydney Joy and I am actually nervous because I want it to go smoothly with no problems at all..I hope alot of people will actually show up and be there to celebrate her coming into this world soon! She is truly a blessing from God..everyday I can feel her kick and move around lol..she makes me smile all the time when we haven't even met face to face yet!! I LOVE IT!! AND I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SHE ARRIVES AND I GET TO HOLD HER AND SEE HER FOR THE FIRST TIME!I know it will be a rough day for my family but I know everything will work out just fine..for both reasons!